The Gap Between What We Want and What We Need and Where We Are
This was supposed to be a victory post.
The kind of post where I’d talk about discipline, training, showing up day after day, and crossing a finish line I worked hard for. I had planned to write about how commitment pays off — how consistency leads to results.
Instead, I’m writing about stepping away.
Due to some health setbacks, I’ve had to drop out of my marathon race—well, my husband says that I only deferred to next year instead of dropping out, but it feels like a total drop out for me.
And if I’m honest, it’s incredibly frustrating. I know it is silly, but I have cried many times these past couple of weeks, even before I finally submitted my defer request.
When Things Don’t Go According to Plan
There’s a particular kind of disappointment that comes from unmet expectations — especially the ones we quietly carry for ourselves.
Not necessarily the loud goals we announce, but the ones that represent who we hoped to become.
I wanted to finish that race.
I wanted to prove something — to myself, mostly, that I am strong enough; that I can do hard things.
And now I’m sitting in the gap between what I wanted and what I actually need.
That space is uncomfortable.
The Gap Is Where We Learn What Matters
We spend so much time focusing on what we could achieve.
What’s possible if we push harder.
What’s impressive.
What looks like progress from the outside.
But life has a way of interrupting those narratives — not to punish us, but to reorient us.
Sometimes what we want isn’t what’s grounding.
Sometimes what we could achieve isn’t what sustains us.
This is one of those moments.
Choosing What Is More Grounding
Dropping out doesn’t feel empowering.
It doesn’t make for a triumphant story.
But listening — really listening — feels more important right now.
Choosing rest over recognition.
Health over milestones.
Presence over proof.
Those choices don’t photograph well in the traditional sense. They don’t come with medals.
But they matter.
How This Connects to Photography (and everything in Life)
As a photographer, I think about this gap often.
The gap between:
the image we want
and the moment that actually exists
The pressure to create something impressive can pull us away from what’s real.
But the most meaningful photographs — the ones people return to years later — aren’t the images that show everything going perfectly.
They’re the ones that hold truth.
The quiet ones.
The uncelebrated ones.
The ones taken when life didn’t look the way we planned.
There Is Meaning Here, Too
This isn’t the post I expected to write.
But maybe that’s the point.
There is meaning in acknowledging limits.
There is strength in adjusting expectations.
There is value in honoring what we need — even when it costs us something we wanted.
This season isn’t about achievement.
It’s about progress.
Look, I wanted to stay fit and challenge myself physically to stay strong. In 2025, I completed 3 Half Marathon Races, hiked down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon twice, and ran my longest ever run of 17.5 miles. I should be extremely proud of myself already, but one small setback can easily push us into this spiralling self-doubt and overthinking. Don’t even ask me how many times I had to drag myself out of that pit of “maybe, it couldn’t be done.“ So I am definitely still learning.
Learning to stand in the gap without rushing past it. And let the uncomfortableness sit with us.
And it is OK to not just brush off the sadness and frustration that came with the process.
If you’re finding yourself in a place where life hasn’t unfolded the way you hoped — where goals have shifted, or plans have fallen apart — you’re not alone.
That space between wanting and needing is where clarity often lives.
It’s not glamorous.
It’s not easy.
But it’s real.
And sometimes, that’s more than enough.
Speaking of the gap, I recently rewatched The Gap by Ira Glass on Creativity. Even after all these years of me bridging my gap in my artistic crafts, I find new gap all the time. I would highly recommend that you give it a watch.
