When to Pose, When to Observe: Why Both Portraits and Real Life Matter | Phoenix Family Photographer
I love a good portrait.
Not just in photography, but in painting — works where the subject isn’t pretending to be caught mid-life, but instead agrees to be seen. A portrait, at its core, is intentional. It doesn’t apologize for being constructed.
Here is the definition for “Portrait“
Portrait (noun)
Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
“A pictorial representation of a person usually showing the face.”
Oxford Languages:
“A painting, drawing, photograph, or engraving of a person, especially one depicting only the face or head and shoulders.”
Cambridge Dictionary:
“A painting, photograph, drawing, or other artistic representation of a person, especially of the face.”
The key common threads across these definitions is that a portrait is intentional; it is a representation; the focus is on the person, often the face; It implies selection and framing, not observation of everything.
A portrait knows what it is. It doesn’t claim to be reality — it’s a deliberate representation.
As a family photographer in Phoenix, I believe portraits still have an important place. When we choose to make one, we should make it well with intention.
But portraits are not the same thing as documenting real life. And knowing the difference changes everything.
Portraits Have Always Been Intentional
Some of the most recognizable portraits in history were never meant to show reality as it unfolded.
Paintings like Mona Lisa or Girl with a Pearl Earring were carefully designed — from pose to lighting to expression. The backgrounds were imagined. The clothing was chosen. The subjects sat, waited, and participated in being seen.
These images weren’t pretending to be everyday life.
They were honest about their purpose.
The Mona Lisa — Leonardo da Vinci (c. 1503–1506)
Perhaps the most famous portrait in the world, The Mona Lisa was highly constructed, not observed casually.
How it was set up:
The subject, Lisa Gherardini, sat for Leonardo over multiple sessions.
Leonardo carefully positioned her body in a three-quarter pose, which was innovative at the time.
The background landscape is imaginary, not a real place.
Her expression was studied and refined — Leonardo was obsessed with capturing subtle emotional ambiguity.
This portrait was never meant to document a moment in Lisa’s daily life.
It was designed to convey presence, mystery, and idealized humanity.
Leonardo wasn’t recording reality — he was shaping perception.
Girl with a Pearl Earring — Johannes Vermeer (c. 1665)
Often called the “Mona Lisa of the North,” this painting is actually not a portrait at all, but a tronie — a study of expression and character.
How it was set up:
The girl is not a known individual; she was likely a model.
Vermeer staged the lighting meticulously, using soft directional light from one side.
The background is completely dark and undefined.
The clothing and oversized pearl earring were likely studio props, not everyday attire.
It is a constructed study of light, expression, and mood, designed to draw the viewer into a moment that feels intimate — but is entirely intentional.
A Portrait Knows What It Is
A portrait says: this moment is intentional.
There is nothing wrong with direction. Asking someone to stand near the light. Adjusting posture and creating stillness.
When done with restraint, these choices allow personality to come forward — not through action, but through presence.
When I create personality-driven fine art portraits, the goal is clarity. Fewer elements. Less instruction. More space for the person to settle into themselves.
When Photography Entered the Home
For much of photographic history, families understood this distinction.
You went to a studio to have your portrait made.
Everyone knew it was a representation — not reality.
No one confused those images with daily life. They were markers. Records. Chosen moments.
The Rise of Lifestyle Photography
The term lifestyle photography didn’t originate in family photography.
It came from commercial and editorial work — designed to sell products, services, or ideas by presenting an aspirational version of life.
The goal was never documentation.
The goal was to suggest:
This is how life could look.
Natural light. Relaxed poses. Effortless connection — carefully designed to feel un-designed.
Over time, this aesthetic moved into family photography. And understandably, it resonated. It felt softer than studio portraits. More modern. More approachable. And to some degree, this is exactly what the commercials and editorials wanted — they want people to want that kind of lifestyle.
To be 100% transparent, this is exactly the kind of work I do for my commercial clients. Companies tell me what idea they want to convey to their target customers, and I create beautiful lifestyle photos to show what life could be like if the customers have chosen to use their products.
Where Confusion Crept In
Lifestyle images look candid.
They feel real.
But they are still directed.
Outfits are coordinated. Locations are chosen. Interactions are prompted. Families are asked to act out a version of togetherness — often one that looks calm, connected, and polished.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with that.
But it’s important to recognize what it is.
Lifestyle photography is representational.
It’s closer to an advertisement than a journal entry.
Documentary Work Has a Different Job
Documentary photography doesn’t try to improve the moment.
It observes instead of directs.
It doesn’t ask life to slow down or behave.
It is what life is instead of what life could be.
This is how I document my own family — especially during homeschooling days. Messy kitchens. Half-finished conversations. Ordinary afternoons that don’t announce themselves as important. There are ups, downs, beautiful moments, and raw truths.
As a Mesa family photographer, this approach has reshaped how I see memory — not as something to perfect, but something to preserve.
Performance vs. Presence
The question isn’t whether lifestyle images are authentic.
It’s whether they reflect YOUR reality — or an aspirational version of it.
In photography, as in life, there’s a difference between:
Showing up as you are and acting out how things “should” look
Neither is morally superior. They simply serve different purposes.
The tension comes when an image pretends to be real life, while still requiring performance.
Choosing Intention Over Imitation
When I’m photographing families, I always return to one question:
What are we actually trying to make here?
If it’s a portrait — let’s embrace intention.
If it’s documentary — let’s step back.
When intention is clear, the work becomes honest.
This Question Extends Beyond Photography
This distinction matters beyond images.
At the beginning of a new year, it’s worth asking:
Am I creating a picture of life I think I should want? Will my family photo become a vision board for my next year?
Or am I making space for the life I’m actually living?
There’s no right answer — only an honest one.
If this resonates, I created a free one-page reflection worksheet called Make It Stick.
It’s designed to help you clarify what you truly want to preserve — in photography, family life, or the year ahead.
