Why I Don’t Ask Kids to “Say Cheese” | Phoenix Family Photographer
Almost every parent has tried it at least once, even including me.
“Say cheese.”
“No, smile bigger.”
“Like this.”
It’s usually well-intended. We want our kids to look happy. We want a “good” photo.
But after years of working as a family photographer in Phoenix and Mesa, I’ve learned something that often surprises parents:
Practicing smiles is the very culprit that leads to portraits that feel awkward and forced.
You know that one “school photo“ you share as a joke on social media? That’s what I am talking about.
What “Say Cheese” Teaches Children About Being Photographed
When children are coached to smile on command, they learn very quickly that being photographed is about performance.
They learn to anticipate approval, to exaggerate expression, to “do it right” instead of settling into themselves.
The result is often a technically correct smile — but one that feels disconnected from who they actually are.
From a photographer’s perspective, these expressions don’t age well. They freeze a habit, not a personality.
What might be worse is that the more the kids practice, the more stiff they might feel — they are not professional models after all. By the time they are teenagers, they might become REALLY conscious about their “looks“.
It has been amazing when I got to work with middle school and high school students during school photo days to see their transformation from feeling nervous about their photos being taken to having fun. When kids are little, we can rely on the cuteness overload. However, when they grow up, they all turn into independent young adults with a strong sense of self. I hope that these kids can feel comfortable showing up exactly as who they are and not feeling forced to perform.
What a Portrait Is Actually Meant to Do
A portrait isn’t meant to capture happiness.
It’s meant to capture presence.
Historically, portraits — whether painted or photographed — were about being seen, not about appearing cheerful. Expression mattered, but it wasn’t manufactured. It was allowed to surface naturally.
That philosophy still guides my approach to portrait work today, especially when photographing children, including teenagers.
Why Simplicity Helps Kids Relax in Front of the Camera
One of the biggest shifts parents and schools notice during my personality portrait day, a fine art portrait session, is how quickly children settle when expectations are low.
This is why I keep portrait sessions intentionally:
short — kids are not expected to smile and pose for 10 minutes or often upwards to an hour if you are doing a styled family session.
quiet — I work with one child at a time in a separate space: no peers peeking, no parents watching.
uncluttered — white or black backdrop with no props.
minimally directed — I do position them into a posture that looks natural and flattering, but the rest is just quick chats about their favorite subjects.
As a Mesa family photographer, I’ve seen again and again that children relax faster when they aren’t being asked to perform. When there’s less pressure to smile, more of who they are naturally comes forward.
What to Do Instead of Practicing Smiles
When I send my welcome message to the parents or the school admins, I emphasize that instead of “helping“ kids rehearse expressions at home or continue to remind them “it’s photo day, remember to smile/behave“, try this:
Let your child arrive as they are. For younger kids, or I mean teenagers too, if they are obsessed with dinosaur t-shirts, let them show up in that instead of feeling the pressure to put them into a shirt and tie. (Of course, if you have a senior and we are doing cap-n-gown photos, that is a little different with the wardrobe requirements. )
Don’t make a big deal about photo day. You don’t have to keep reminding them, “It’s photo day, remember to smile for Ms. Amy!“ Then that’s all they are going to think about leading up to their photo moment.
Trust that personality will show, and some people are just quieter than others. I am a really quiet person — I was as a child, and I still am. I have been trained to do public speaking well, but it doesn’t mean that I see myself in theater acts any time soon. Meanwhile, I have family members who, you can tell within 30s, belong to the stage. When I work with schools and get to photograph the same child over the years, it is cool to see how their personalities change. As a parent myself, I want to remember that more than the change of their “still perfect looks but just older“.
You don’t need them to be cheerful.
You don’t need them to “try.”
The portrait will meet them where they are.
Why This Matters Long-Term
As I mentioned before, as the kids grow, they will have an association between how they can show up and if a camera is present. I want my kids to feel confident in who they are, whether people are watching or not. As a parent, years from now, the imperfect details will become nostalgic and eventually become perfect for the child we have.
You’ll notice how they carried themselves, the quiet confidence, the seriousness, the softness, the season they were in.
That’s what meaningful portrait photography preserves.
A Different Approach to Fine Art Portraits
This philosophy shapes my personality fine art portraits I create for families in Metro Phoenix.
It’s time to say no to the rushed, assembly-line process, forced smiles, and crazy backgrounds in cookie-cutter school photos. And say yes to Personality Portraits that go beyond the ordinary, capturing a child's unique personality in a timeless masterpiece.
Unlike large, corporate photography operations, I will only take on a few select schools, and I host a few of my own pop-up events throughout the year so that I can provide more attention to each child and family. But that doesn’t mean you have to compromise on professionalism or quality. I believe that a more personal approach would be a better experience for both the school and the families I work with.
I will never force a smile. No awkward poses or faces, just the authentic child, on the day. The results are genuine and timeless portraits that will remind you all the big personalities your child has.
Portraits that allow children to be themselves, not act like who they think they should be.
Do you want to bring this type of photo to your kids’ schools? Are you interested in hosting or attending a Personality Portrait Day Pop-up Event for your community—be it mom groups, or homeschool co-ops — let’s chat!
